Last day of the 2nd week of Sabbatical. Apart from writing a post about the last days and sending emails to friends and family on the new website, I helped a friend needing an extra pair of hands. I already wanted her opinion on my explorations on “Life Planning Challenges”, so I tried to do it while we worked together. It was a success!

Got away with the feeling I could do this for the rest of my Leave: offer my time to solve a situation and receive deep interested feedback and contributions.

Topic A: New Dimension to Life Planning – Decide Where to Live

I was surprised by the suggestion: as important as financial, career, time and other dimensions, the place where you live has a huge impact on your life plan. We know how the kind of city or neighborhood we live in affects our day-to-day logistics and routines but this idea is about something deeper: that the place you live in can turn you, your life and your kids into “something else” because of, for example:

• Culture: how much of you and your life is reactive and adaptation to the norms and social context around you? Humor, openness, priorities, community sense, vary from location and take an important toll on yourself after some time.
• Education: different education drives different aspects of your personality and education systems are so different from location to location.
• Visual: what you see becomes what you imagine to be possible and that applies to people and behaviors but also the visual part, like the blue of the ocean of the always-white of snow.
• Space and Nature: how you feel the space around you (streets, houses, fields) and how this is connected to nature (plants, animals, earth) sets or opens limits to your way of thinking outside yourself.

On a personal side, to me at first, living in different houses in the same 1 km radius in Lisbon, looked like I never had to do this choice but maybe this is not so, it was just an easier and more logical choice for me and my family. Now I know is not the same for everyone and that this is an important dimension of Life Planning. It also reinforces the idea on Point B of the post “08-09 Feb | 1st meeting on Leave Topic”, that the external system can be a source of guidance and self-presenting solutions or, on the contrary, a source of stress and hard decision-making.

Updated 7th March: a friend sent me an interesting video on this topic “Taiye Selasi: Don’t ask where I’m from, ask where I’m a local“

Topic B: Stick to Your Expectations vs Adapt to What is Available

Another interesting conversation topic was the richness of embracing the needs and opportunities around you even if they are not aligned with your expectations, even if they go against your comfort zones or are misaligned with your path. These could be actually a way to test or reinforce your core path.

A small example actually happen to me today. Helping my friend was not the way I expected to use my premium time on this day and was not easy to decide to do, but was there, waiting for me to say yes, so near and real. On a broader sense, the reaction to what is available can be deeper and transformational like a career or relationship decision. Our Planned Path will always be there, judging but also learning from our decision. Is good to have a Plan, but even better to be able to balance it with taking advantage of what is available.

Topic C: Importance of Asking and Giving Feedback

Why don’t we get and offer more feedback, even in our more trust-based relationships? Is it a cultural thing? Why is it that I say I want feedback but when I get an honest one, I feel exposed and have difficulty in replying and thanking? Maybe it is like a muscle we need to exercise.

Like the ones I have been having, conversations can have intense feedback on ideas, proposals and assumptions but normally miss feedback on behaviors or personal traits. How can one really grow and build better relationships without this feedback… and I am not talking of “I really liked this conversation” or “you were really nice to come by”, I am talking about “you know, this felt like I found a new dimension in you that you have never shown before. Are you aware that that might be happening with others?” or “Next time let’s do less about personal stuff, you were always pushing on that part but I like more the community dimension”.

I would like to explore in depth this topic in the future.